The Alternative English Dictionary

itchy eye (noun) hemorroids note another term for hemorroids referring to one of the symptoms. That symptom being the itching sensation of the sphincter. "I've got the itchy eye!"

jack off (verb, intransitive) ‡ masturbate note (also transitive). 'John jacked off after Mary went home.'

jack off (verb, transitive) ‡ masturbate another person note The direct object is a male. 'Mary jacked John off since she wouldn't screw him.'

jackal to jack off note (verb)ok to use in class (i have and teachers usually don't mind(just be care full))

jackshit (noun) note "nothing". Emphasis on "shit".Used in the phrase, "John doesn't know jackshit about women."

jay (N. Amer.) v. to steal note [jei] etym. origin probably from the bird "jay", which feeds by sweeping down to the ground and picking up morsels of food in that manner. ex. He jayed my baseball cap!

jerk off (verb, transitive and intransitive) † masturbate note Used as an alternative to 'jack off' in both senses.

Jesus H. Christ (name) † note An expletive, considered offensive by the religious. The source of the middle initial is uncertain. 'Jesus H. Christ! You can't be pregnant!'

jizz (noun) † sperm note Common a generation ago, this term is fading, being replaced with 'come'.

jizzum (noun) † sperm note Almost obsolete form of 'jizz'.

john (noun) restroom, room with a toilet (toilets) note Very commonly used. 'Mary woke up in the john.'

john (noun) the client of a prostitute note Becky was paid well by her john for the nooner. Presumably derived from a johns need for anonymity.

jugs breasts note Mary has got a massive pair of jugs

jungle fever (noun) Horny for black men note Racially biased preference or sexual desire for black men by a white woman. When Mary learned that Debbie's boyfriend was black, she was surprised and said, "You got jungle fever?"

kike (noun) † jewish person note (rhymes with bike)

knock up (verb, transitive) impregnate note American term. In Britain in means to get someone up by knocking. 'John knocked Mary up last week.'

knockers (noun, plural) breasts note Providence: more common in the United Kingdom than in North America Pronunciation: rhymes with talkers Etymology: breasts knock against each other when moving Example: "Ooooh, look at the size of her knockers!"

know {one's} shit be very competent note "When it comes to plumbing, Bill really knows his shit."

krunk (noun) Word used in place of dirty word note Made popular on late night show by Connan O'Brian. Proper Use is, "What a load of krunk" or "Oh boy, is the krunk going to hit the fan"

lace curtains foreskin

Libido {sexual instinct; lust} note John's Libido was high the first night he was alone with Mary. pronounced lu-bee-dough)

loo watercloset, restroom, toilet note British term: 'John has gone to the loo.'

loose (adjective) † sexually permiscuous note Origannly said of women, but could be said of men: 'John and Mary are both very loose'

lop cock (compound noun) † Circumcised penis note This term not currently in use. It seems to have been used in the 30's and 40's.

love juice semen note Not commonly used: 'John squirted his love juice all over Mary.'

lucky Pierre (compound noun) the middle male in a threesome note Implies John is fucking one person while getting fucked by another. Used in the gay world, but could be used in menage a trois with two men and one woman.

meat (noun, mass) † penis note Unlike 'cock', this noun can not be counted: *'John has a big meat.' but: 'John has a big piece of meat.'

meat puppet (noun) penis. (Not common) note "Do you want to play with my meat puppet?

meatrack (noun, def.) butch men in a row note Term refers to butch or hunky men lined up at a bar or at tables along the wall in a bar or some gay establishment. The men are obviously waiting to be picked up. Term could be used by women in search of hetersexual guys.

morning wood note Erection of the penis first thing in the morning

mother fucker (compound noun) ‡ A very gross person note This term could be the most offenseive expressed in the language. Ir shows intense anger of the speaker. In certain dialects it has been shortened to 'mother', but with still the same intensity in meaning. 'mohter' has become so bad, that now spekaers of such dialects do one refer to eir mothers as 'mother; but use a different term such as 'mama, ma, mom': 'John is a real mother fucker.

mother fucking (adjective) ‡ (an expletive) note Derived form 'mother fucker,' it is as offensive as 'motherfucker.'

muff diver † one who performs oral sex on a woman note 'John thinks that muff divers are repulsive.'

N.F.G. (acronym) † No Fucking Good note Usage example: Your idea is NFG.

nellie effeminate note refers to males, usually gay though not necessarily: 'John is a bit nellie.'

nigga (noun) ‡ (see nigger)

nigger (noun) ‡ black person note This is probably the most explosive and violatile word in the English language, even more so than "mother fucker." It is commonly used by Blacks amongst themselves, as in, "Hey!..little nigga..wazzzup?" However, it is a VERY, VERY strong word when used by any non-black person toward any black person. For more on the subject of "Black English," see The Totally Unofficial Rap Dictionary also provided by Hans-Christian Holm.

nookey (noun) † sex note Spelling uncertain. Seems to be etymologically related to the Dutch word 'neuken (to fuck).' 'John's going out to look for a little nookey tonight.'

noonan dorky, very annoying person note "My college roommate is a noonan." Derived from an ND freshman with the roommie from hell, Allison.

nooner, noun (count) sex at noon (during one's lunch break) note Term usually refers to males who can't get away from home in the evening.

nooner, noun (count) the person involved in a nooner note Term usually refers to males who can't get away from home in the evening.

nudger † HomoSexual note John is a nudger

nut † testicle note Alternate form of 'ball'. 'John has small nuts.'

oh shit! (expletive) † note Expression used when an unexpected or undesirable event has occurred or is about to occur: 'Oh shit! Now I'll never get that paper done.' 'Oh shit! We're gonna crash!'

old fart (noun) † An older male person. note Usually used humorously, though could be considered offensive.

on the blob † it's that time of the month note Used commonly when encountering foul mooded women..e.g. 'oh no, she's on the blob!'

one's tits in a knot † be upset note used as a complement of 'get', 'have', 'keep, etc.: 'John got his tits in a knot and he kept them there.'

one's tits on (prepositional phrase, a small clause; idiom) † be patient note used as a complement of 'keep, etc.: 'John kept his tits on.'

orlando (noun) † rural black person note This term refers to the "old-school" black person who does not keep current with the "gansta" styles of music or clothing. Black people often use this toward each other in an insulting way. This is US East Coast lingo.

pain in the ass (noun phrase) † nuisance note Common expression in the heterosexual community: 'John is a fucking pain in the ass.'

pearl necklace (compound noun) † sperm surrounding one's neck after ejaculation note This term comes from the straight community. 'Mary is not fond of pearl necklaces.'

pecker † penis note almost as common as 'cock'

pecker cheese (compound noun, non-count) ‡ phlegm note Not used in polite company: 'Neither John nor Mary are into pecker cheese.'

pecker tracks (compound noun, count) † Sperm left over on a sheet or other similar object after masturbation is complete. note Noun normally used in the plural. 'John's mother found John's sheets full of pecker tracks.'

peckerwood (noun) † white person note A derogatory word for white males; used by other races.

pee (verb, intransitive) urinate note Used fairly commonly today, Acceptable on American television. It has transitive function similar to 'piss'.

pee-pee penis note Childish term. 'Johnny's pee-pee hurts.'

period (noum) menstrual period note standard colloquial term, not parlour room term: 'Mary started her period yesterday.'

phungky (adj.) cool; other spelling for funky note e.g.: Your new CD is phungky, dude!

piece of ass (nounphrase, idiom) † a fuck note used as a complement of 'get', have': "John got a piece of ass last night.'

pillow biter more commonly known as a homosexual! note phrase describing the common position of the bumholerous fuckerous

pinch one off (compound verb) defecate note Expletetive reference by men to defecation. Litterally: to terminate the action of feces extrusion through the anus by contracting the muscular anal aperture. At work Steve said, "I need to take a break, I have to pinch one off." (Also: to "pinch a loaf")

piss (verb, intransitive) † urinate

piss (verb, transitive) † urinate in one's clothing note E.g. "John pissed his pants." Usually has unintentional reading.

piss ant (descriptive) a sheepish person. Non-desript individual. Young punk. Non factor note "Don't worry about John. He's just a little piss ant.

piss flappers (compound noun, count) ‡ women's labia note Very rude expression: 'John amazed at Mary's large piss flappers.'

piss off (complex noun) † thing or person that causes one to be angry. note Derived from the complex verb 'piss off': 'Mary finds John to be quite a piss off.'

piss off (verb, transitive) † make angry note E.g. "John pissed Mary off."

piss up a storm (verb, semi-idiom) † urinate for a relative long time note E.g. "John pissed up a storm." It means that John pissed and pissed and pissed.

pissed (predicate adjective) angry note derived from 'pissed off': 'John was pissed after they threw him out of the bar.'

pissed (predicate adjective) drunk note derived from 'pissed off': 'John got pissed at the bars last night.'

pissed to the gills (adjective phrase) † very inebriated note One of many expressions for inebriation. 'John got pissed to the Gills at the White Swallow.'

pitch a tent in your shorts (phrase) To get an erection note When John saw Mary naked he pitched a tent in his shorts.

plow (verb) aggressive insertive intercourse note The passive partner can "get plowed" or "be plowed." Albee's _Virginia Woolf_ used plow in the active sense, when Nick promised to "plow a few pertinent wives."

pocket pool to play with yourself discreetly with your hands in your pocket(s) note "I was playing pocket pool with myself as I stood in front of her"

pocket pool (noun) to stand with hand(s) in pockets and fondle penis/testicles note Requires boxer shorts and pleated trousers. "Hey John, how's that game of pocket pool going?"

poon tang (noun phrase) † vagina, pussy note slang.

poop (noun, mass) feces note Relatively harmless term: 'Look at all the dog poop on the front lawn!'

poop chute (noun phrase) anus note the passage through which excrement travels, possibly derived by analogy from "trash chute;" a phrase often used to describe the anus in the context of discussions of anal sex, as in "Up the old poop chute." The variant spelling, "poopshoot," does not seem to reflect the derivation of the word

pooper-scooper (noun, count) small shovel for picking up dog feces note A somewhat cutesy term: 'The people of big cities are expected to use pooper- scoopers when they take their dogs out for a walk.'

poopshoot (noun, count) † anal canal note Not a common term: 'John likes to shove long slender objects up his poopshoot.'

poopshoot (noun, count) † rectal canal note Not commonly used today: 'John's got bugs up his poopshoot.'

poor white trash or p.w.t. (noun) † note This term is pretty self-explanatory. Be careful! It can enrage those who are the recipient of this term.

porch monkey (noun) ‡ black person note A very derogatory term referring to Blacks. This word is very common among the rural areas of the US.

postal crazy, psychotic note derived from deranged postal workers who shoot people and then commit suicide "John went totally postal on me today."

prick (noun, count) penis note Just another word for it: 'Mary like's John's big prick.'

pubes pubic hair or pubic area note Recent derivation: 'John found crabs in his pubes.'

pull one's pud † masturbate note As far as it is known, 'pud' only occurs in this idiom. 'John was pulling his pud.'

pull the pin (verb) to masturbate note Derived from pulling the pin of a grenaded. "John was pulling the pin last night."

pussy † vagina note also refers to a cat, but not a woman. There is some variation whether 'pussy' refers to any cat or a female cat.

quad (noun) note A very clumsy person. Often used amongst friends when one makes an embarrasing play during a sports match, e.g. missing a penalty kick, missing the backboard, etc. Derived from the word quadraplegic.

queef † a pussy fart note i.e. an unpleasantly smelling encapsulation of gas excreted through the vagina, like a fart

queen gay male who is dominant and rather effeminate note This term is used on construction with many other terms.

queer † homosexual male note Once considered very derogatory, it is being used more and more in the gay community.

Queer (KWEER) ‡ 1)A Catchall word for someone who is Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered, or a straight "friend." 2)Political slant, angry. "John is a Queer Activist."

quim † vagina note less offensive term than cunt

quim (kwimm) † Female genitailia note (n)vulg. meaning comfortable female parts, "ooh I could nestle in that quim tonight", not harsh. orig. Scotland.

quim (noun) † Female genitailia note (n)vulg. meaning comfortable female parts, "ooh I could nestle in that quim tonight", not harsh. orig. Scotland.

quim nuts † used to refer to a particularly hanging vagina. note john said,"look at the quim nuts on her" whilst browsing through a crotch mag.

The Alternative English Dictionary — Page 3 of 5

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